The Kidnaping of Mr Aliwishus
by Alicorn
Summary: Madam Hooch has something Professor Snape wants desperately, but such things do not come without a price. A fluffy OOC answer to a challenge. Snape/Hooch. Now betaed and fully readable!


**The Kidnapping of Mr. Aliwishus**

It never should have happened.

It was, by all accounts an accident, which had happened so long ago one of its participants had nearly forgotten altogether.

But one, ah, one of them remembered and was going to make him pay...dearly.

A small sound broke the silence of the castle halls. Students had long since taken their leave of the empty stone lined places and were at present either in other classes or out on the grounds in the sunshine.

As every teacher worth their lemon drops knew, in ones' prep period, no one could hear you scream.

This was just as Madam Hooch desired it.

"P..p.._please_ Rolanda..." The potions master bowed his head down onto the desk before him, as if the mere uttering of this undignified word had forced him to run two miles in the space of a breath.

"Why, Severus, I had no idea that word was still in your vocabulary when addressing me. Funny how the tides have turned isn't it?"

"...and I shall say it again here, as many times as you wish..." Severus swallowed, his mouth visibly dry "..Just don't hurt him, or I swear I will..."

Rolanda's hawk like eyes glinted a mischievous shade of yellow as she reached down to one of the half open drawers in the back of her desk.

Her other sports' worn hand found a most comfortable place between Snape's own pale, and now slightly clammy, fingers.

"...Or you swear you will do _what_?"

Snape's eyes widened. He knew that look, that light smirk threatening to overthrow her features.

"Nooo! Rolanda, he is still so young..." He nearly howled with the intensity of a parent ready to dive head first into a vat of unbreakable vows for their first born.

What was heard next _(had there been anyone else in the room to give a detailed report)_ could only be described as a mix between the unique sound of an unspoken incantation and a telling 'ping' not unlike the snapping of fishing line.

The greasy haired teacher in the opposite chair bobbed his head even lower still, wincing and grinding his teeth together.

Rolanda's arm returned from its journey, her face now bearing a fully formed knowing grin.

Severus glanced up ever so slowly.

Her hand grasped a single, altogether ordinary, piece of neon pink thread.

The single, altogether not so ordinary, tear that traced its path down Snape's left cheek was quickly wiped away upon a black robe sleeve.

He sat suddenly bolt upright. Determined. Decided. Beaten.

"Fine. Fine. I will agree to your demands. Just promise me no more harm will come to him..."

Rolanda's voice was suddenly low and smartly honey coated, very unlike any tone she had ever used on the field.

"Severus..dear! I am a woman of my word..I don't make a habit of breaking any rules, least of all those set by myself..."

Her other hand joined its fellow among Snape's own, as she hopped upward to sit atop the desk with all the incentive of a ferret lured Hippogriff.

"So, you agree..."

"Yes Rolanda..."

"To all my demands?"

"Yes Rolanda..."

"Fine then, the great hall, tonight. My request will be fulfilled, and your 'package' will be 'delivered'..."

Hooch's eyes lengthened to only slits.

"In the meantime..._all_ my demands?"

The shell of a potions master sighed deeply.

"Yes..._Snookums_..."

The tables lined with students were anything short of all out sugar induced anarchy.

Harry and Draco were at the moment showing off, tugging on opposite sides of a particularly large orange and black swirl lollipop with their teeth in front of a very flushed looking Ginny, while Fred and George played an elaborate game of football with a small army of candy corn.

In other words, it was a typical Halloween Feast ten minutes into the festivities.

That was until the clanging of a goblet upon the high table caught everyone's silent attention.

Harry and Draco were so shocked at who had unspokenly called the hall to order, they dropped their lolly right on Neville's head.

Ron nearly chocked on a mouthful of gummy worms.

"Is that who I think it is?" He questioned

"It's Madam Hooch all right, but wasn't she written out of our books in all ways of character development?" Harry added, trying to part his sweet from Neville's hair unsuccessfully.

"I dunno." Ron shrugged

"Puuudding." Luna commented helpfully, poking a nearby bowl full of chocolate instant dessert with a lover's gaze.

"Ooooowie!" Neville bellowed as Draco got _his_ lolly back successfully.

"Children..." Hooch began, standing up.

"There is something I..." She used all the strength in her once world champion beater right arm to haul a tired looking Snape up to stand next to her with only a brief pause. "There is something _we_ would like to share with you..."

"It was years ago..." She began with relish "On a Halloween night just like this one, when Professor Snape and I were in our third year of classes together...Everyone had nearly gone to sleep after dinner..."

"You think this is leading to a point sometime soon?" Ron whispered

"Lay off her Ron, teachers can babble if they want to, it's in their contract." Hermione interjected, plugging his mouth with a fist size jawbreaker.

"Pudding, puuuding... _Mine_! You can't have it!" Luna whispered crisply, sheltering her bowl from a hungry looking Trevor.

Students nearest the teachers table could assess Snape turning an odd shade of an un indescribable color...and something, more..

"I have always been a bit of a night owl at the time, and just happened to be passing by the boys' bathrooms, when I spied a most unconventional and _sweet_ little item propped up against the wall and most carelessly forgotten.."

Madam Hooch's voice had unwilling gone a bit giggly at these last words, a lack of formality that was, for her, so rare it soon spread to nearly half of the first and second year girls.

The language of giggle was a universal tongue, no matter how old the speaker, after all.

Snape's lower eyelid to the right side had now adopted a small twitch, and he appeared to be sweating.

"But before I return said item to it's rightful owner after all this time...Professor Snape has something he would like to announce…Strike that, proclaim in front of everyone present."

The grey haired teacher turned assertively to her darker co-worker, mouthing a tender 'dear?' at him, nearly unseen to any of the on-looking students.

Far, far away, in a reality all debate about, the delicate sound of Hell freezing over took on the texture of fudge ripple ice cream.

"I love you." Severus said plainly.

A heartbeat later he was kissing her without remorse or recollection of the many eyes watching them.

They had dipped down in a dance-like snog and come back up for air by the time varied teasing 'Oooohs!" _(The loudest of them all being a knowing looking Dumbledore)_ met their ears.

"Now...for..my half..of the bargain..." Rolanda said breathlessly, her sharp eyes glancing off across the tables "Wood!"

"Yes Madam!" The bright young star player snapped to attention

"Play number 1056!"

"Right!" He grinned, arming himself with a conveniently placed pumpkin cream pie with rainbow sprinkles and taking aim at the nearest grumpy looking Slytherin.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The first shoot met its mark and all out war was declared. So much war in fact, nearly all of its soldiers had already forgotten about the newly 'official' couple before them.

Which was a good thing, as whatever mask of dignity Snape had ever presented to the world before this moment had been stripped away by his now impatiently hopping up and down and the making grabby 'give it here' motions with his hands.

Rolanda reached under her seat, hastily lifting the concealment charm she had cast on a dusty old brown paper bag.

"Here Severus, he is rightfully yours..." She said handing it over.

Severus Snape , thirty-three, potions teacher, ripped into the paper with all the crazed delight of a five year old on Christmas morning.

"MR. ALIWISHUS!"

The bright pink stuffed bunny, as bright pink stuffed bunnies go, was a sight to behold.

He had blue button eyes and neon pink stitching for his eyes and mouth, while the inside of his ears and the length of his underbelly was lined with fabric featuring coo-coo trains that even now chugged along merrily. It was all topped off with a lime green cotton puff tail.

To Snape it was one of the most beautiful things he had seen in years.

Mr. Aliwishus was definitely someone he could see himself being honestly in love for...

And so they say, that Professor Snape's heart grew three sizes that day.

Authors End Note:

This fic, had it happened and been anything but OOC is of course set in Harry's second year or there abouts. Many thanks to my beta Geekerella!

Besides being one more fic to happily put under the belt of my favorite ship of Snape/Hooch (also known as Airborne Virus OR Blackhawk), this fic was written for a challenge called "Accidently in love" on FictionAlley Park by Devaigh. I broke a few rules I suppose, but the ones I did follow were:

"This is a story about someone who was not supposed to fall in love.

One of the Lovers must make a public announcement proclaiming their love to the other.

Must involve some sort of dispute. Dispute must include pudding.

Must Be a food fight.

Pink Bunnies must slip in somewhere."

This is the first Harry Potter related fic I have every posted anywhere so I hope you enjoyed it. Dedicated lovingly to my stuffed dalmatian Pongo who I've had since I was nine...


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